A Mother’s Love
I wrote this last year as I was preparing to welcome our third baby into our family! Its very common for a mother to have concerns as to how they will love their second baby when they feel that the love they have for their first born cannot be matched. These are my thoughts:
Nothing prepared me for the intensity of the love I would feel for my first born baby. When I was pregnant I knew I loved her, I couldn’t wait to meet her, to see her little face. I thought I would love her the way I loved my little cousins but when I gave birth to her and her tiny perfect body was placed in my arms, the rush of emotions, the love that flowed through me for her was incredible.
Over those first few weeks, I thought I would burst with love, I remember one day asking my own mum was this the way she loved myself and my sister. She nodded her head, I could see the love in her eyes. I always knew I was loved by my mum, I never questioned that but I had no idea how much a mother could love her child. I remember never loving or feeling as loved as I did in those first few weeks of Saoirse’s life
Fast forward 7 months and I became pregnant with my little boy, Liam. I knew I would love him but what I was absolutely sure of was that I would not love him in the same way that I loved my little Saoirse.
But I knew what I would do. I would pretend. I promised myself as my belly grew that this precious life growing inside me would never know that I didn’t love him as much as I loved his big sister. The day his was born, was amazing, he was born is the most beautiful way, it was wonderfully calm and both my own mum and my husband were with me (in our car) to witness the most beautiful little boy’s birth.
Once I was brought into the hospital I marvelled over him, amazed at the manner he entered the world and I was so happy. This little boy had completed me, totally and utterly completed me. I describe the day he was born ‘as one big bubble of amazing’. BUT I was right….I didn’t love him like I did Saoirse, I loved him but it was different just like I knew it would be.
It took me a few days to realise what it was…..I didn’t know him. I knew everything there was to know about my baby girl but I didn’t know my baby boy yet. Quickly of course his beautiful personality began to shine through and one day maybe a week or two after he was born I was consumed by love for him. There was no way I could tell you which baby I loved more, they were equal in my heart. I loved them differently of course but my love and adoration for them both was equal. I didn’t share the love I had for my first born…..my heart got bigger.
As I sit writing this, with my precious 3rd baby kicking away inside me, I don’t have any worries about how I will love her. I know my heart is once again going to get bigger and allow another little person in, to love and cherish.